Man Task #13: Retrieving Jewelry from the Drain

I am all for empowering women to do handyman jobs. There's a reason Handyman Magazine often runs how-to stories for chicks, and there's a reason that "Fix-It Guide for Women" with Rosie the Riveter on the cover has sold so well. A big huzzah for any woman who wants to prove she can, I just don't want to. I am not a fan of sticking my hand down dark holes, just looking down into my garbage disposal makes me feel a little ill, and the thought of what's lurking in my bathtub drain just makes me gag.

I knew the day would come when I'd have to some kind of yucky job myself. Every time something has come up in the past that I didn't want to touch with an unbent coat hanger, I called Dad, or brother, or boyfriend, and they came running (albeit with a grimace) with toolbox in hand. Until yesterday, I'd succeeded in not getting my hands dirty.

Yesterday, I had to retrieve an earring from the trap in my bathroom sink. I don't even think I've ever worn the particular earring I dropped, but I'm far too obsessive compulsive to own only one earring, knowing the other lurks, covered in slime, nearby. I called Dad. He was working and wouldn't be able to come by until Saturday. Brother was heading to class, and boyfriend was, too. It could have waited until either of them got out of class, but I would have had to pay Brother, at least in food currency, and Boyfriend would have laughed unmercifully. With one more call to Dad, I learned "bathroom sink protocol." Basically, this means big bowl, a washrag you don't mind never using again, and a solid gag reflex. Armed with 2 out of the three, I sit down in front of the sink and begin clearing out (remind me to get rid of stuff). I'm supposed to loosen the rings on both ends of the trap, so this I do, but only with much aggravation and under-the-breath cursing. Water begins dripping out of the trap, and I still don't understand how standing water can suddenly defy gravity and pour out of still attached trap, but it was gross.

I wrestle with the trap for a little while more, and finally get it loose. pull it away, and there's a mass of hair, bathrag fibers, and who knows what else hanging from the pipe. Ew? It's a bathroom sink, is it supposed to be that gross? I'm forced to unbend a coat hanger and go at it, waiting for that stupid earring to plop into the plastic, yellow party bowl I will never use again.

Now that I think about it, even though I scrubbed the earring with hot water, alcohol, and hot water again, I'll probably never wear it, either (even though it's probably way cleaner than the other earrings I wear, even the ones I didn't drop down a drain...). I can say, though, that I know how to get stuff out of a pipe, and reattach a sink trap so that it doesn't leak. I survived, yes, but it's not something I ever want to do again.