Four Stamps Worth of Thoughts

I find that as time passes, and I grow more content with who I am, the things I desire are simple, and necessary. The life I want is simple, uncluttered by desires for greatness, exceeding riches, and impossible love. I can say that now, in this moment, I am pleased with my life.

I mailed the last parts of my UNC-Chapel Hill application this evening (pushing it, I know...the deadline is the 1st...), and right before I dropped the envelope in the box, I failed to stop and breathe good karma over it. Not that I don't need it, I just didn't think about it until I got back to my car. I thought, "Oh, should I have prayed or meditated over that or something?" And in a brief conversation with myself, I noted that I'm really not too concerned with the outcome of this application. I want to get in, of course, or I wouldn't have applied. But if I'm concerned with rewards, or good karma, then I've got to expect a denial letter. (I've not lived up to certain moral standards this past year, but strangely, I'm far more happy than when I did.) If I'm concerned with grace or blessed opportunities or heavenly intervention, I should then feel guaranteed an acceptance. Neither of those seem plausible as a foundation for where I'll go to graduate school, though, so I've resigned myself to letting what comes, come. At this point in talking to myself, I saw the Christmas lights beginning to light up Broad Street. I was actually more excited about lights in store windows than I was about submitting my Statement of Purpose.

Perhaps this says something about myself and my desires for my life. Or maybe it just points out how excited I am for the holidays. Either way, it seems like all the things I wish for these days are simple things. Trite things, perhaps, but I think that they will bring me far more contentment than any school or degree could ensure.